Randy, today I write this letter
to you because I am overly grateful for God's love, mercy and forgiveness.
You see, about 6 months ago, I
was facing the strong desire to separate from my husband because I couldn't
stand him, didn't love him and was pretty much disgusted by him. This feeling was nothing new to me
because throughout our 6 year marriage, I have felt this way that has resulted
in me filing for divorce two times and asking him to leave a handful of times. We have had a rocky road to say the
least and most of our family and friends know it...I always had a strong
feeling of hate, bitterness and entitlement issues that I deserved better and
that God didn't really want me to be married to this man. I was in control of my life and even
though I thought I loved God, acted like it, I would still result in negative
and hateful behaviors toward my husband and shamefully towards our 5 year old
son.
We have some very amazing and
Godly friends who have been a part of our lives through T-ball, church,
etc...who have always reached out and in their own special way let us know they
were there for us no matter what. So, when I was feeling the strong
desire to get "rid" of my husband, I thought I cannot feel good about
myself until I talk to them and share with them all that he has done wrong
against me and what a lousy husband he is. To my surprise, the entire dinner was about how much God
loves both of us and has a better plan for our lives. It was still hard to believe it at that moment but I know I
was getting the best advice I could ever get: God is in control and we must
surrender to his plan and then we will be overwhelmed with love, joy and
happiness! Such a wonderful idea
but still not something I was ready to jump into...I still had ALL these issues
that they didn't even address in our meeting. They didn't even want to hear about all my issues with my
husband. It sent me home with alot
to think (and pray) about.
So, about two weeks later, these same friends met with both my husband and me and suggested we go through CTO
and that they would be more than happy to meet with us every other week to go
through it. I was
interested but I told them I didn't have 6-9 months to stay with my husband and
was very reluctant to do a "bible study" that would be just like all
the others I have done. Until the first week when I started
reading God's word and really feeling a sense of peace, love and a great sense
of forgiveness. I remember calling my friend and telling her how overwhelmed I
felt and how amazing God's word really is!
So, here we are about 3 months
into this "bible study" and I will tell you I have never known God
this way, even though I was a believer my whole life. I have learned he has a
perfect plan for our lives and his timing is perfect. He puts us through trials so we will become more like him
and he is with us all the time! I
now know God put us together for a reason and I have started to feel a love for
him that I have never felt before.
It isn't perfect but at least that strong negative desire to remove him
from my life is gone. We are a different couple now and
God is continuing to do a good work in us.
We are even considering adoption of a 3 year old family member who has no father
and the mother is in prison for drugs.
Talking to a friend the other
night, he said you know, it is truly a miracle to see where God has brought you
two because six months ago, this would never have been possible.
We live daily for the Lord and
pray his will be done in our lives.
We still have a long way to go, but with changed hearts and a renewed
spirit, I think--I know--we will be ok and stay married through the good and the
bad. I now have a strong desire to
be the very best wife and mother and to show them love and patience. I see the good in him and thank God for
who he is.
God is so wonderful and is doing
a good work in us. We are so
grateful for our friends who have believed in us and have prayed for us and it
is all because of His love that we are able to write this letter to you today. We both feel we are open to God's plan
and can't wait to see what the future brings!
Praise God from whom all
blessings flow!
Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things
God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to
his purpose.
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