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“Mary Smith on the school bus, Jr. High.” I was stunned...
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This summer I was meeting with my discipler and we were
covering Confessing Sin and Reconciling Relationships. As I got more into the study on Reconciling
Relationships one of the questions was, what
steps are involved in preparing for reconciliation? It then covered what do to when you are aware of your sin against
another: die to self, forgive the person in prayer, take responsibility for
your own sin and then confess to the Lord any fears in seeking
forgiveness. The other step was how to prepare when
you are NOT aware of how you have sinned against another. So, I prayed for the Lord to show me where I
had/have sinned against another and was not aware of what I had done, or if I
had justified what I had done and stuffed it.
As I prayed and sought the Lord, He spoke to me very clearly, “Mary
Smith on the school bus, Jr. High.” I
was stunned. Read more...
I then thought back nearly 47 years ago to a girl, my age,
who rode the school bus and was taunted daily by others for most of the ride
from her home to school. She was not
attractive, always had a bad hair day, frumpy, bad teeth, glasses – certainly
not as “perfect” as the rest of us.
Though I was never a part of the group that taunted her, I was also
never her friend. I was fearful that if
I became her friend or stood up for her that I would get the same treatment or
worse and in Jr. High that was just not something I wanted. As I now prayed, I realized that even as a
child, the sin was PRIDE –
- my fear of rejection and of exposure by others,
- my sin
of self-protection as I tried to
minimize my own behavior in my treatment of Mary
- my
wanting to avoid conflict and of being judgmental
in how she looked compared to myself and others,
- my
putting self before God and others.
I went to church and had accepted Christ as a child and deep
down I knew that this behavior was not acceptable, but I felt helpless to do
anything about it – fear and pride had me.
I rode the bus with her for three years and though I may have offered
her a seat on the bus, I never offered to be her friend. Now as I continued to weep and pray before
the Lord, I prayed that if given the opportunity to be her friend, this time I
would be and would seek forgiveness for not being a friend to her 47 years
ago. I told the Lord, “I don’t know
whatever happened to her, if she is alive or dead or where she lives, but I
know that you know all about her and if you will allow our paths to cross, I
will be her friend.”
In the late summer, I volunteered to lead a group of 9-10
other women who would meet once a month for fellowship and building
relationships. I was given a list with
the names of my nine ladies prior to our first get together. We met that night and of my group of 10, four
of the ladies were not able to attend. I
called those four the next day and left a voicemail message telling them that I
would be the person leading their group and where and when our next time
together would be. One lady, Mary
Edwards, called me back several days later saying she was unable to make the
meeting but would be coming in October.
I told her I had a card for her to complete and how could I get it to
her. As I was in the choir I could meet
with her after church that coming Sunday.
She told me she was in the choir and that I could give it to her at our
Wednesday night practice. Great! We’d look for each other on Wednesday. I didn’t see the person that I saw in the
pictorial book, so I asked the lady in front of me if she knew who Mary Edwards
was and she whispered to me, she is 2 people down from you. I sat back and nonchalantly looked that way
and she was looking at me. I said
“Mary?” and she shook her head. I gave
her the card and told her I would meet her after choir practice.
When rehearsal was over I waited for her and as she was next
to me I introduced myself to her. As I
spoke to her I looked into her eyes and when she opened her mouth to speak I
knew who it was – it was Mary Smith! I
knew the voice and I “saw” her!! But I
was confused as she apparently was single and her name was Mary Edwards. I touched her arm and asked with a shaky
voice, “What was your name before Edwards?”
She replied, “Mary Smith.” I had
tears welling in my eyes for she had no idea what God had just done! I gave her a hug and said, “We went to school
together; we rode on the same bus”. She
asked what my name was and I told her and she smiled and said that she
remembered me. We spoke a bit more and
then we left to go home. I was beside
myself as I drove the 20 minute trip home.
I laughed, I cried, I praised God!
It was 47 years ago…I am convicted of my sin this summer…God brings her
into my life in the fall…we go to the same church…we sing in the choir…both
altos…God knew.
My CTO workbook noted that for reconciling relationship “if
you don’t have any way to contact the offended party, pray for a means to find
that person. God knows where he or she
is”. Yes, He certainly does! God gave me her name in the early summer and
knew then where she was and what He was about to do. I had been going to church with her since January
but He never let me “see her” until I heard her voice and then God removed the
veil from my eyes.
She and I have met now a few times and have talked. I told her that she was not going to
understand, but I wanted to ask her forgiveness for not being her friend on the
bus, for allowing my self-protection and fear, my sin, to keep me from being
there for her. She told me that I had
never caused her any hurt and that it wasn’t necessary for me to ask for her
forgiveness. I shared with her that even
as a young person, I knew that what was happening was not right and my fear of
rejection and my own pride, sin, kept me from standing by her and I was sorry
and asked again for her forgiveness. She
gave it. She then wanted to know how all
of this came about and so I shared with her the story and how God answered my
prayer.
As I begin to study and read God’s Word, I always pray
a verse that was shared with me years ago from Psalm 119:18 - “Open
my eyes, that I may behold (see) wondrous things in your law (word). I did not see that happening at first,
but over time, the Lord has been so faithful to show me truths from His
Word. Psalm 119:130 says, “The unfolding of your Word gives light, and
imparts wisdom to the simple.” His
Word is truth and I have seen Him respond to a prayer that though sincere, a
part of me truly didn’t think it could ever happen. I am in awe of Him as I mediate on what He
has done and how my prayer was answered.
He reminds me, “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” (Gen 18:14)
